Friends

sleep to forget. sleep to leave. i told the classmates today that inspiration was for the mediocre and talented. i don't really mean it. and if i were saying it to a friend i would stop myself. it'd be that moment in the scene where you want to take it all back. i don't mean a single word. no no no. i mean every word. no no no. i don't know. i mean i did say that no i didn't really mean it. i was talking to much to everyone. i had to come home and sleep to forget. sleep to make it go away. socialization and interaction. it's nothing so drastic. nothing so horrible. but i'm flatline. i'm flatline and those things don't amuse me as much as they amuse you. sometimes i am the merry jester, maybe. i don't remember. it feels like being a ghost. it feels like autopilot. it feels like stop and pause and walk away. walk right out of the story. who was i when i was who i was. what did it used to be like. recognition of faces. recognition of places. what did it used to be like. close your eyes, remember when there were friends. remember old old old times. old old old me. have to be ready to leave. today, tomorrow, any day. have to be ready to leave yourself. gone.

i told m. at times it was like being stuck in a low-grade commercial david lynch movie.

Also, I'm watching I'm Not There & I have to say it's making me terribly uncomfortable; it's like I walked in on Bob Dylan masturbating.

Hi Russel,
 
I tried sending you a message tried sending you a message through xxxxxx.com, but I'm not entirely sure it went through, so I'm trying again.  My name is C___, and I'm currently producing a feature-length film set entirely in a one-bedroom apartment in Los Angeles, CA.  We're just about to bring an Art Director on-board and we'd like to show her some of your work to see if it would fit her design of the place.  I liked your piece and was wondering if you had a portfolio of anything else that we could possibly show her?  Please feel free to contact me via email xxxxxxxxfilm2008@gmail.com or you can call my cell: (xxx) xxx-xxxx. 
 
We look forward to hearing from you.
 
Thank you,
C____
Producer, xxxxx



They keep emailng me; I don't have a portfolio. I don't even know if I have paintings.  Did I paint once?  It was all so very, very long ago.  Well what can you do. Yeah well what can you do?

when it was good
it was very very good
and when it was not so good
... it was just okay, and you wait for it to be good again.

when i was tired
i was very very tired
and when i was not so tired
i'm still tired
tired tried true.

can you promise me it'll be okay.
i'll meet you more than halfway.

http://www.asofterworld.com

bibelot v is a booklet i made of 20 new drawings (i've shown a lot of them on here though)

disclaimer: in the past i've been extremely slow at sending these out (no reason other than i'm a bad person)...although they do eventually get sent. so i guess keep that in mind if you were thinking about ordering one. if i still owe you a copy of #4 i'm gonna send you a copy of this one too. also i'm going to try to be better at this
$5 plus $2 shipping to canada / usa or $4 international, edition of 50, please send me an email if you'd like one (patlarkin@gmail.com)

http://www.qwantz.com/archive/001268.html

about - archive - cast - comments - sexy exciting merchandise - messageboard - search - reader art - links

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July 23rd, 2008: I forgot to mention that yesterday, July 22nd, was Pi Approximation Day! Today is Approximately Pi Approximation Day, however, so today you can just sort of rub pie around your face with a much greater margin of error. Math holidays, cats and kittens!

I am a great business man if I mention I made a totally sweet shirt out of the Pi Approximation Day comic!

I knew the bed would be too small
for all the things
I still want to dream about us
that we would toss
turn our way lose ourselves
in each other's limbs
and rut there all over again

too small for the full-bodied voluptuousness
we carry
too small for the full-contact fuck
we create
too small for the full slick sweat we surrender
too small for the grunts and the screams
we extract from each other
to small for the way those grunts
struggle up from our stomachs
somersaulting themselves into 'iloveyous'
and spasmodic cum shots

it is good we also have the floor
and the bathroom
and the tub
and the chair
and the desk
and the park
public spaces and the wide open savannas
of our imaginations

these places will have to substitute
offer room for the volume
of our fucking and our poetry
for the way this animal love
lurches monstrous up my chest
wanting to make you happy
and warm and unafraid
and free

so - get a bigger bed
one that can hold all the things
I still want to dream
but ready me a tiny corner on this one
so I can still get lost in you.

Lord, not you,
it is I who am absent.
At first,
belief was a joy I kept in secret,
stealing alone
into sacred places;
a quick glance, and away-- and  back,
circling.
I have long since uttered your name
but now
I elude your presence.
I stop
to think about you, and my mind
at once
like a minnow darts away,
darts
into the shadows, into gleams that fret
unceasing over
the river's purling and passing.
Not for one second
will my self hold still, but wanders
anywhere,
everywhere it can turn.  Not you,
it is I am absent.
You are the stream, the fish, the light,
the pulsing shadow,
you are the unchanging presence, in whom all
moves and changes.
How can I focus my flickering, perceive
at the fountain's heart
the sapphire I know is there?

And mom and I were talking about this a few weeks ago but it's pretty strange when you don't have that go to thought anymore. That person you imagine being close to you as you close your eyes before you fall asleep. You still think of that person sometimes, maybe, but it's just not the same. Like some secret you told. Now it's just me and the dark on cold comfort farm. London tomorrow, America after, and nothing waiting anywhere, nothing to want and nothing to look forward to. I guess I'm free. Not happy, not sad.

http://www.qwantz.com/archive/001267.html

about - archive - cast - comments - sexy exciting merchandise - messageboard - search - reader art - links

Project Wonderful - Your ad here, right now, for as low as $0.00

July 20th, 2008: You know what's coming out soon? Flight 5 is coming out soon. WEDNESDAY. This is good news! I link to the Flight books every time a new one come out because I think it's the best comics anthology going, but this time I have another motive: I've got a story in this one! I wrote it and John Martz drew it and it is called "Scenes In Which The Earth Stops Spinning And Everybody Flies Into A Wall". Oh yes. You can order it online from Amazon, and you can preview the stories here! WARNING: COMIC NARRATIVES DIVORCED FROM THEIR CONCLUSIONS AHOY

I got a few preview copies and the book looks fantastic. I recommend it, you guys!

Got quietly shitfaced yesterday at a pregnant girls birthday party.

I've probably seen over a hundred bands since I came back to LA. This is one of them (I've seen them twice, actually). Massive updates when I get back to Texas. For now? Too busy packing things in....  

Nostalgia waits.

Eva, digital:



Eva, film:

do you remember when
i would make those slits
between my ribs and you would feed,
you daggered tongue flitting into my flesh
and i would hisssssss! an intake
of air- my element, my strength.

i do think so and i do think so.

well i live with my sister now
and we do not drink.
she knows a young man
who takes her out to dinner.

.

I am keeping a journal about my letterpress and bookmaking work here. Small thoughts on typography, book binding, artists books, printing, my own work, etc, misc, etc.

 

you, sleeping on the carpet beside the bed because i couldn't sleep with our bodies so close.

the things we do when we love someone, the things we do when we don't.